Thursday, March 19, 2015

Summer Rain

I see the sun bursting into the sky and the hot leather seat crawls with intangible flames as we drive into the open. It may be the hottest summer day I have experienced, and it bewilders me. Spring just came from what I call an eternal winter, but the avalanche won and it may have consumed what was supposed to be a fresh start. Now the sun is getting its revenge, and it's not pretty.

 "It's freaking hot, could I turn the AC up just a little bit?", Erica asked from the backseat. I called shotgun the moment I saw the forecast so I could have more cool air. The glaring sun exudes more heat than I imagined, so my cool air would not suffice at all. "Yeah, just a little bit please?", I regret not putting on sunscreen this morning. My pale skin would not hold up to this kind of heat, and I would have an unsightly blush throughout the trip. "It's turned all the way up. At this rate we may have to fill up again, so prepare some cash." He doesn't look very happy,  having to drive in the busy streets of L.A. with this kind of weather. We both love driving in the rain, but our friends insisted that we should go today. 

  This trip to the beach is the last thing we wanted to do. Our once happy days were replaced by shouting and crying at night. Hanging out in the back of his car turned into writing all night, and him playing games. Every thread of love is gone and dissolved by time and distance. I was not his other half anymore, and the three years we've been together seemed to pass together with the time.  As soon as we get there, everyone jumped out of the car and ran towards the water. We didn't even settled down and got dressed for the beach, we just all rolled up our trousers and some lifted up the waist of their skirts. We all had the thirst for the sea, especially how the sun is setting in the horizon and the water cooled enough for it to relieve our burned ankles. As soon as the sun was nowhere to be seen, we headed to the villa and unpacked our clothing. I was feeling feverish from the travel, so I decided to go out tomorrow morning.   

I stared at the ceiling for so long and then I heard the door creak. I slowly look up and I saw you standing in the doorway. "Can I come in?", you weren't looking pretty happy. My heart felt like it was escaping my chest, banging its way into my ribs and ripping out the flesh apart. "Sure, have a seat." I continued staring at my ceiling, and I can feel the tension arising as we wait for each other to speak."Um..", I stopped when we uttered the same word together. "No, you go ahead.", I wasn't sure of what I was going to say anyway. "So listen, you know that I have always loved you right?", I knew but now you don't sound sure about it. "Well, yeah I guess..", I said under my breath as I feel the waves slowly creeping up my nerves. "But lately, I've been thinking that maybe, just maybe..."  

Joshua was with Erica after all. He's been trying to contact me all week, trying to tell me. Since I have my finals and he's got work on the weekends, it was just impossible for us to communicate. "Sorry I had to ruin this trip for you, but it just couldn't wait any longer. I'm really sorry." I couldn't just tell you that everything was fine, because it isn't. There's never a good time for bad news, but you could've done it in another way. Tears slowly crept from the corner of my eyes when I begged for you to leave, even if my heart wanted you to stay and comfort me. Every fabric of my being pleaded for you to not do this, but you did.  

The waves crashed to the giants rocks where Erica and I were seated. I forced myself to just get over it, even for a while. The moon lights up the shoreline weakly, but just enough for me to see him. Joshua has always been important to me. All these years he has been by my side, and now I'm forced to be alone. I know that I can live life without him, it's just that I never thought I'd have to be. Love is so short, forgetting is so long. I hated the fact that he had to begin his break-up by telling me that he loves me. If only I could hate him as much as I loved him, but I never could. "Hey Erika, you better go back inside. A thunderstorm is coming...", I said in a wavering voice. "But it's the middle of summer! There can't be a thunderstorm.", she exclaimed. "Well I'm sure as hell it's going to rain all night.", and tears started flowing down my cheeks.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

i just hate someone so much i just had to i am so sorry

I hate how much people like you.
There isn't a lot to like,
except your facial features.
A stereotypical beautiful girl;
cheekbones high, beautiful smile.
If only they knew,
how you're a dark mass inside.
A fragile pretty face,
who fishes compliments everyday.
A brave and fearless human,
who cries and wants to die.
A skinny figure,
who does nothing but whine.
I dare you, just do it—
take off that silly mask.
See if they still like you.
Put off your fascade of a friendly smile.
Don't play innocent anymore.
Show them who you really are,
see if they'll like you.
You're nothing but a bitch.

Fuck you.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

My Sun and Stars

He is my sun and stars—
the glint of hope I see,
when i first open my eyes.
He is keeping me alive, 
with that heat he emanates.
That tender loving glow
shows me all things beautiful.
He rises to start my day, 
and sleeps to end mine.
But once you sleep,
I'll watch over you.
For I am the moon of your life.

Monday, June 2, 2014


Multiple colors, vivid images—
those were the things she sees.
She had the gift of dreaming, in peace.
Opening a book with hundreds of pages.

Ultimate dark, absolute nothingness—
those were the only things he sees.
It doesn't dream, that mind of his.
Several plays held in empty stages.

The girl who watches everything at night,
met the man who stared at blankness.
And thus the light shined through the darkness—
for she finally saw the girl's smile so bright.

And to that we can conclude:
the man who was blind at rest
had a dream at last, and it was the best.
and his was the truly bright-hued.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

How Did You Love In The Past

How did you love in the past?
I wanna know the entire story
when i wasn't the one 
running circles in your mind
and when i wasn't the one
giving meaning to your life

How did I love in the past?
It was bitter, and it was very sweet
he engulfed my entire presence
every word that I would say
every dream that I would dream
everything was about him.

How did you love in the past?
I wanna know your feeling
when I wasn't the one
bringing your head in the clouds
and when I wasn't the one
making your heart sing aloud

How did I love in the past?
I was never so sure of anything
I held on to an invisible rope
clinging on tightly more than I should
but instead of giving me that relief
i didn't notice that it was a noose

How did you love in the past?
I wanna know the intensity
when I wasn't the one
making your heart skip a beat
and when I wasn't the one
visiting your dreams when you're asleep

How did I love in the past?
Somehow, there's a miracle
all the feelings are gone, just like that
It was as if nothing ever happened
for the love you are giving me is greather than
how you loved in the past.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


It's 1 am, and I'm awake.
I stare blankly at the ceiling, shivering.
Hating how your image had to be fake—
when you could have been here, lingering.

It's 1 am, I cannot sleep.
Funny how i can't blame caffeine.
I toss and roll, wanting to weep—
we're not side by side, but we should have been.

It's 1 am, I feel alone.
You're miles away and your eyes are shut.
Well maybe I am in your dreaming zone,
to say that probably takes a lot of gut.

It's 1 am, I need you here.
Please comfort me, just hold me close.
I miss you badly, my beloved dear—
but I'll see you soon. I shall sleep, I suppose.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Health Stuff

So last monday, I started a cleansing diet (But failed yesterday. Damn it.) and I started going to the gym. I'm trying to lose a little bit of weight (27 pounds) to look and feel healthier. Due to stress eating and intensive studying, I put on a few pounds and now I'm trying to put my body back on the right track. Plus, I really want to look nice while running and stop panting after going up a flight of stairs.

I'll update in a few weeks regarding this matter. Stay tuned.